NOVICIATE

Project «Novice»

by Ekaterina Kott

I was a twelve-year-old girl when the church became my second world.

I became a postulant in the church, where prayers, the ringing of bells, and the scent of candles entered my life. In a short time, I mastered the rules of discipline, learned many prayers, and grew to love reading psalms in the old church language. I remember the day when the always strict mother superior allowed me to sing on the choir during services.

Somewhere between these moments, I witnessed others' joys: baptisms of little children, their white clothes, and wide-open eyes. I saw how the sacrament of marriage became a witness to the power of love, and in every moment of faith, I felt that my role was not only to hear the prayer but also to become its guardian for a while. The hands of parents, prayers for their little ones— it was as if the entire church breathed with these small stories, which it also keeps.

Every Sunday brought me another test — to pray for the deceased. I learned to experience the grief of loved ones as my own in the silence of the church hall, learned to die inside along with those who had gone. I looked at the faces of relatives and saw there the reflection of my own vulnerability: sooner or later, my family would also be among those who need prayer and understanding.

Two years in this world of joy and sorrow became for me a crossing of two roads: stay and connect my life with the church further or to stand at the threshold of the church wall and step outside to discover what lies beyond.

Now, after 25 years, I do not regret that choice and am not offended by past doubts. Though my faith has weakened, I am more grateful for that unusual time when faith and childhood went hand in hand. And even now, though i rarely pass by that church, I always remember with warmth the kind and smiling priest, the strict but fair mother superior, and many wonderful moments I once spent within the walls of the old, cold church.

Once, a postulant of the Church of the Assumption of the Holy Virgin — Ekaterina